Probability work

 

Story time - by Zoe

this term I have been learning about showing not telling and punk

I am still working on it. 

The hidden world 

Orientation: setting and character

It was noon, the day had been scorching hot and the heat waves covered the abandoned city. Looking around, all I could see was an endless amount of green trees, vines and grass scattered around the ghost town.  As I walked through what was left of the old science lab The wind blew soft against my rosy cheeks. As I walked all you could hear were my scuffed-up leather boots on the mossy ground 

As the sun started to settle in for the night, I started to wonder what happened to mum, dad, Emma and baby Luka, are they ok, where are they? Are they still alive? It had been 6 years since I had seen them. 

Anxiety started creeping up on me, so I went for a walk that seemed to be the only thing I do now. Go on walks just me and my never-ending questions. Then I had an idea what if I went to look for my family, what if I left all this ruin behind? The only thing stopping me will be the wall. But that won’t stop me. I ran to my shelter ( my old house ) grabbed my food and bag, and ran. 

This paragraph needs punctuation attention

I was so excited to see my sister Emma, she was my best friend. Just the thought of seeing my family made me start to tear up. Finally, I got to the wall. I threw my bag over it and started the climb I fell, the next attempt I fell again, “the third time’s a charm” I said to myself. Then I fell and scraped my knees one started to bleed but I paid no attention to that. The more times I tried, the more I was determined to get to my family. Then after what felt like forever I got over the wall, grabbed my bag, looked up and then I saw what looked like the amazon. I was so stunned that I fell backwards in shock. It looked glorious never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would see something so magnificent

 

All the lushes green vegetation hugged me as I walked through the jungle. It was now pitch black in the sky the only glimmer of light was the moon and stars. The next morning hot and humid I ate some of my food and started to walk. My heart was pounding with excitement,

Then I saw it - a clearing! Then a house and one more house it was a city. The tears started pouring out I ran into the city. And sow her MUM! 

My Courage poster

 I like this quote because you can get a burst of courage at any time. 

My narrative writing goals

 My Writing Goals 

Not yet	Developing	Got it!

My story flows and I use punctuation for effect
I have an interesting hook
I have good organisation (paragraphs help reader with the orientation, problem, complication, solution)
I have used , . ?!  correctly within direct speech
I have short sentences for impact and longer sentences to build detail
I have used wow words (verbs, adjectives, nouns)
I have figurative language ( simile, metaphor, idiom personification)
I mostly use show not tell
I have a wide variety of  sentence starters
I have a 2A, double ly; de;de;  simile; verb, person sentence; 3 ed; emotion word, sentence; P.C sentence. ( comment on them)
I can give, and respond to, peer and teacher feedback to improve my work and my friend’s.
My writing goals are...
To have some personification and good sentence structure.